Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
