I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
