if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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