btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
