Me too!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
