Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
