and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
