he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't deserve a penis
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
