Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
