its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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