I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
