Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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