Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
