I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
