Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
