i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
