yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You were trust falling into bushes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
