Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
