I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
not ubering you a puppy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
