I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Congratulations! We have a period
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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