Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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