When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
