This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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