sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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