Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
bring money and cleavage
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
