Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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