Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
