There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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