Will you blow on my dice?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
