I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
