ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
