i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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