Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this will be a night to untag.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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