He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
thus making me awesome and them whores
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
