sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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