I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
