my phone needs a breathalizer
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
