I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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