Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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