Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
