Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
