am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
