I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I bet he comes in French.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
