ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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