Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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