people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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