Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
