A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
