my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
