oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
