I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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