I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
