I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
