well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
