All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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