giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have fence marks all over my body
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