I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
