Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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