I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
